The Cycles in Marriage

     In The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan, it talks about the transition of Chinese women in America. Most of the stories were told by the mothers and daughters and their past and present life. In most of the stories, both the mother and daughter have problems with marriage. One specific cycle that keeps reoccurring is the issue with marriage. The example I have here is the mother and daughter problems from Lindo Jong and Waverly Jong. Their mother and daughter stories include a cycle that happens with both the mother and daughter.

     In Lindo Jong's story called The Red Candle, it talks about how she mis-fortunate she was to marry into a family that she didn't really like. Life was not exactly nice and she wanted to escape. Her husband didn't treat her very well, and she was treat more like a servant. She did appeal as a wife to her husband, but someone who should serve him and do whatever he commands. When she got out of the family, by telling a lie about how she would give misfortune to the the family, she escaped and married another man, she said:

"The Huangs asked only that I never tell anybody of any importance about the story of my doomed marriage" (Tan 66).  

This proves that Lindo Jong's life was not happy at all from the moment she married in . She never got the respect that she deserved and was not appreciated for what she has done. It was freedom that she felt after she left. With no more worries and a loan to carry behind her back.

"How nice it is to be that girl again, to take off my scarf, to see what is underneath and feel the lightness back into my body!" (Tan 66).

This could explain her happiness afterwards and the problems to her marriage was gone. The cycle continues on where her daughter had the same experience. She was also going to through problems with her marriage like her mother did.

     In the story of Four Directions, Waverly tells a story about her marriage that is going to be held for her and Rich. The problem is that Waverly is having a hard time persuading her mother that Rich is the person for her. Because her first marriage didn't go well because her mother criticized Marvin, her first husband. She feels that because of the criticism, her marriage was poisoned, and caused her to see only Marvin's faults. Now Waverly hopes that her realtionship with Rich will go well and not result as a disaster :

"I was afraid that some unseen speck of truth would fly into my eyes, blur what I was seeing and transform him from the divine man I thought he was into someone quite mundane, mortally wounded with tiresome habits and irritating imperfections" (Tan 173-174).

Waverly was worried that her marriage will end up like her last one and she wants to change things. She wants to persuade her mother that he is not that bad. All along Waverly thought that her mother hates Rich, but she knew about the engagement all along and was surprised about Waverly's assumption that she hated Rich.

     The stories of the mother and child includes a cycle about the problems that can occur through marriage. There includes more examples from the book, from how marriage can me a failure. Problems to these marriages are hidden and kept in the past, such as how Lindo hides that fact that she was married into a bad family and how Waverly hides that her last marriage didn't end up so well. Even though there were problems, both the mother and daughter had a happy ending and got what they want. The cycles that I discovered was marriage.

The Twenty-Six Malignant Gates

     In the book, Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan, she includes an introductory piece in the beginning of the piece, "The Twenty-Six Malignant Gates." From my observations, I think that the purpose to her introductory it to explain the period of time where kids will start making their own decisions. The daughter was told by her mother that she was not to bike around the corner because her mother can not see her. The daughter chooses to disobey her mother and fell before she reached the corner. The purpose might be that if you don't listen to your parents, you might regret it in the end because you might end of making wrong choices. From this short introductory I think that it means that the first step to independence is hard because you will get lost later on and need someone to carry you back up.

     In the story called Rules of the Game, the mom had high expectations for her daughter in the game of chess. She would be always next to her to see her make her next move so that she will not make a mistake. The daughter was bothered by the fact that her mother was always standing by her side. It seems as if she was not able to choose her own path and always follow the orders from her mom:

"But I found it difficult to concentrate at home. My mother had a habit of standing over me while I plotted out my games. I think she thought of herself as my protective ally. Her lips would be sealed tight, and after each move I made, a soft "Hmmmmph" would escape from her nose" (Tan 98).

 From  this reading, the daughter wanted to make her own choices and she doesn't want her mom to choose the next steps that she took. Her mom is being over protective about her, and she brags about her achievements to other people which upsets her. The daughter runs away and come back home in the end. This means that even though the daughter was able to escape her mother's expectations, she came back home because she still needs someone to support her. In the end of the story it says, "I closed my eyes and pondered my next move" (Tan 101). From the ending when she was all alone, she starts to think about her own decisions without her mother being too protective of her. When she was able to make her own step towards the game, it was like making the next step to her life and choosing to balance out her mother and herself.

     In the story called The Voice from the Wall,  when the daughter and her mother was walking around chinatown, her mother said,

"Don't look at her,"said my mother...And of course I looked...."She met a bad man," said my mother. "She had a baby she didn't want." And I knew that was not true. I knew my mother made up anything to warn me, to help me avoid some unknown danger. (Tan 105).

This means that the reason parents often tell us these lies is because they want us to be safe. They don't want you to be in danger. Although you might know that they are lying to you, you will just follow what they say to you because you know that they are just being protective.

      Parents cannot dare to let go their child, and they want to make their decisions. They don't want them to go through the wrong path and make the wrong decision. This is the reason parents or mothers tell you to follow what they tell us. I have a question through this introductory. Do we really get to grow up because we keep taking orders from others? Shouldn't we make you own decisions and fall down at times and learn from it? Isn't that the meaning of life? To fall down and stand back up by ourselves....

Should Family Take Priority Over The Rights of the Individual Family Member?

True or false? "Family and honor should take priority over the rights of the individual family member." How do you think An-mei and her mother would respond? Would they think the statement is true or false? Would they be somewhere in-between?


     According to the story "Scar"  from Joy Luck Club, I think that An-Mei's response will be in between. At certain points, she would think that family ans honor is called respecting her culture. From the time that her mother came back to her, she starts to understand what happened and believe that her mother made the right choice. An-Mei was always told stories from her Popo about her mother, but her Popo never really mentions her name. As An-Mei grew up with her Popo she was lead to the belief that she should always honor the family and not follow the path that her mother followed or else she would be an disgrace to her family. 


     When An-Mei's mother came to her life again as her Popo was very sick, her mind changes and she starts to think that her mother really needed her individual rights. An-Mei starts to understand the conditions that her mother was going through. She starts to agree that at times you honoring your family can be tough. She thinks that her mother was very brave and she got her individual rights. Although she was a disgrace to her family, she came back in the end. She gave honor to her mother before she died. She did something that was painful as a way to make her mother understand why she had to leave: 

 "Even though I was young, I could see the pain of the flesh and the worth of the pain. This is how a daughter honors her mother. It is shou so deep it is in your bones. The pain of the flesh is nothing. The pain you must forget," (Tan 48).

This quote tells that An-Mei learned that her mother left for a reason and her individual rights was very important. Even though she was raised with her Popo and her auntie, she never really disgraced her family. As she remembers about the past and what happened to her, she understands her mother more. And the point where she sacrifice her flesh, it was the thing that really surprised An-Mei.

     If An-Mei's mother were to answer this question, she would say that we should have our individual life because we are the one who should choose our own decision. We should be able to break away from that command that family members have given, and choose the right road to follow. I agree very much with her mother and how she got her freedom.

     This could be answered in different forms and because we all have different opinions about this question, what would you do if you were stopped from continuing your decision in life?