Family History Connections

     After reading many family histories, I noticed a connection between most of the stories. Most of them talked about how important education was and how hard it was for them to get it. Because of money, education was put aside so that they could help earn a living for the family. Money was also a connection that I discovered because most families had a struggle through money. Money was the problem for them, and because of money some families didn't get the chance to go to school.
    
 From these three stories, they all have a connection to education and the struggles of money:


     In Grizzell's family history it talks about how important education was and that how her mom's parents would do anything just to get the right education for her mom:

"To their family, education is key to a great and complete life. They believed that by getting a full education and having good grades in school, will help their family move up from poverty to a higher status in life. My mom’s parents did everything they could to get money, just for their children to have a complete education. Money was not the issue, but it was hard to handle."

This shows that education means a lot to her family and that money wasn't an issue. Even though they didn't have much money, they still wanted their kids to get the education that they need because it can help them be successful in their future lives. No matter what their struggles through money are, they will try all their ability to get the money so that their kids will get a good future.


     In David's family history he talks about how she didn't go to school when her sister and brother went. His mom thought that earning money for the family was more important than her education:

"When she was still a child, my mother would be working on the farm to support her family while the rest of her older brothers and sisters would be attending school. She didn’t go to school yet because she thought that supporting the family would be more important than and education. At home, she would do chores around the house and cook for the family. At age 8, she had finally attended school."

For David's mom, she thought that supporting her family was more important that getting her education. If her family had enough money, her mom would have the chance to go to school and she wouldn't have to work and earn money. Money was an big issue in her family and her mom didn't want to be a burden by going to school. This explains that if they had the money, her mom wouldn't have to go to school at the age of eight.


     In Phuong's family history, it talks about how her mom's family was very poor and her mom didn't really go  to school in her age. Her mom's struggle was surviving.

" School. I don't have school. No education. My only education is to work to survive. One parent. Two kids. Survival is the main thing. I am not like you. I did not have the same luxury as you where you stay at home after school complaining about homework and how hard it is. Homework is nowhere as hard as as work. It is harder because it is hot in Vietnam."

In this story Phuong's mom didn't even go to school at all. Money was in important issue and because they didn't have much money, all they could worry about is surviving. This is another example that shows how important money was and how they had struggles through it. Worse than David's mom and Grizzell's mom. Phuong's mom didn't even go to school because she didn't have enough money.

     From reading these three stories, most of them had to struggle through money, and because of money, some of them weren't able to acquire what they want. It made me realize that I should appreciate the fact that I got to go to school. I should realize that money people didn't have the chance like I did because of the struggle through money. Some families got to go to school, some started last, and some didn't even attend school just because of moeny.

The Cycles in Marriage

     In The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan, it talks about the transition of Chinese women in America. Most of the stories were told by the mothers and daughters and their past and present life. In most of the stories, both the mother and daughter have problems with marriage. One specific cycle that keeps reoccurring is the issue with marriage. The example I have here is the mother and daughter problems from Lindo Jong and Waverly Jong. Their mother and daughter stories include a cycle that happens with both the mother and daughter.

     In Lindo Jong's story called The Red Candle, it talks about how she mis-fortunate she was to marry into a family that she didn't really like. Life was not exactly nice and she wanted to escape. Her husband didn't treat her very well, and she was treat more like a servant. She did appeal as a wife to her husband, but someone who should serve him and do whatever he commands. When she got out of the family, by telling a lie about how she would give misfortune to the the family, she escaped and married another man, she said:

"The Huangs asked only that I never tell anybody of any importance about the story of my doomed marriage" (Tan 66).  

This proves that Lindo Jong's life was not happy at all from the moment she married in . She never got the respect that she deserved and was not appreciated for what she has done. It was freedom that she felt after she left. With no more worries and a loan to carry behind her back.

"How nice it is to be that girl again, to take off my scarf, to see what is underneath and feel the lightness back into my body!" (Tan 66).

This could explain her happiness afterwards and the problems to her marriage was gone. The cycle continues on where her daughter had the same experience. She was also going to through problems with her marriage like her mother did.

     In the story of Four Directions, Waverly tells a story about her marriage that is going to be held for her and Rich. The problem is that Waverly is having a hard time persuading her mother that Rich is the person for her. Because her first marriage didn't go well because her mother criticized Marvin, her first husband. She feels that because of the criticism, her marriage was poisoned, and caused her to see only Marvin's faults. Now Waverly hopes that her realtionship with Rich will go well and not result as a disaster :

"I was afraid that some unseen speck of truth would fly into my eyes, blur what I was seeing and transform him from the divine man I thought he was into someone quite mundane, mortally wounded with tiresome habits and irritating imperfections" (Tan 173-174).

Waverly was worried that her marriage will end up like her last one and she wants to change things. She wants to persuade her mother that he is not that bad. All along Waverly thought that her mother hates Rich, but she knew about the engagement all along and was surprised about Waverly's assumption that she hated Rich.

     The stories of the mother and child includes a cycle about the problems that can occur through marriage. There includes more examples from the book, from how marriage can me a failure. Problems to these marriages are hidden and kept in the past, such as how Lindo hides that fact that she was married into a bad family and how Waverly hides that her last marriage didn't end up so well. Even though there were problems, both the mother and daughter had a happy ending and got what they want. The cycles that I discovered was marriage.

My Family History

          As a child, my mom started school at the age of seven. At school, they would have plantations and make the children help them grow crops. They would grow crops such as sugar canes, peanuts, and etc. They would even raise pigs at school. The purpose of this was to teach them to how to be farmers. There are normal classes consisting of math, Chinese, science, and history. Classes were almost the same as what we would learn. School would end at three in the afternoon and my mom would head home.

          In China, you normally have to pay for your education. All my moms siblings went to school. My mom was the fifth child out of the eight. Her older brothers were the ones paying for the fees in order for my mother and her sisters to go to school. She has two older brothers and their education was paid for by their parents. They earned money to help pay for their younger siblings. They took jobs and went to school at the same time.

          My mom would wake up at seven in the morning and head to school. When she comes back, she would be asked to do chores by her parents. Each of her siblings were assigned to do a different job. My mom had to take trips to the wells or to faucets to gather water for the family. For each bucket they got, they had to pay a cent. Back in the day, they had no access of water at homes. My mom took care of the water and took many trips back and forth from the well until she had eight buckets full of water. Water would be boiled up to take baths with, but most of the time they had to take cold water. When she comes comes back from school, she doesn’t have much time to do her homework. Most of the time, she just did whatever she was told to do.

          Other chores include cracking beans, peeling ginger, sewing blankets, and much more. These would be used to sell and earn money. In a day of work, there were a lot of chores to be done. If my mom didn’t do her part, her older sisters would pinch her and make her do it. She had no choice.

          After everything, they would eat the dinner that their mother had cooked. Her mother was only in charge of cooking and the rest of the chores was left for all of the other siblings to finish. Food was always limited and there was not much to eat. There would be more food on the table when they had more money and less when they had less money.

          At the age of seven, my mom got a high fever and almost died. Her parents took her to many doctors, but they didn't really help much, until they found this doctor that helped her get better. Medical care was not as good during her age. Most of the time going to the doctors didn’t really help much.

          In the family, my mom would be favored the most by her father. Her mom didn’t really like her and the bond between her and her father was very strong, while her mother favored her older brothers and the youngest siblings.

          In her family, many people had jobs to earn money for the family. Her mom didn’t work hard and only stayed home to take care of the children, while her father worked in a business in the city. When my mom finished school at fifteen, she started to earn money for her family. She was put in a sewing company from eight in the morning until ten at night. This job only paid a dollar a day. With the little amount of money that she would get each day, half of it went to the family to help pay for food.

After working there for eight years, she moved to the companies to work, selling books and shoes to the people in the hotels. They paid a reasonable amount of money, about a thousand or more a month. Then she started working in Hong Kong and found another job.

          When my mom was eighteen, she first met my dad. My father chased her and followed her everywhere although my mom didn’t like him. As a child, my mom’s parents were very strict, they didn’t allow them to hang out with their friends or go out. If they didn’t listen, they would get locked out of the house as a punishment. My dad loved my mom a lot, and he did everything to win her heart. As time went by, they got together and started to date. After that, she gave birth to me.

          When I was born, my mom and dad's family weren't very nice to my mother. They didn't like her very much and that she has a lot of money to spent. My dad's mom won't allow my mother to buy me milk to drink and I should only be breast feed. My mom was an very ignorant women, she didn't even bother to listen to her, and just did anything she wants. Since she was spending her own money, she could use it however way she wants. My mom told me that when I was little, I didn't always finish all my food and often wasted it. My dad's mom didn't like the fact that I wasted food and didn't feed me much. A few years after I was born, my mom immigrated to America.

           When my mom immigrates to America, she started a new life. I was left in China with my dad and his family. My mom came to America because her parents have moved here and she followed them. In this new community, she didn't understand what people spoke around there. She and her family moved in a Asian community where there were Chinese people like her. My mom had to adjust to the American culture that she as experiencing. Soon she found a job here and lived with her friends in Alameda. My mom thought that the jobs that they provided here did not pay her well, they weren't fair and lied about how much they would get for an house and gave the workers less money. She thought that payments weren't as good as before, but she still tool the job and earned money because that was the only thing she could do.

          My mom would come back to visit me a few times a year when she comes back from America. She would tell me that I looked like I was starving to death when she would see me, and that I didn't have enough food to eat. I would weigh the time she left me before she went to America. I haven't changed a lot and my mom was worried for me because I got sick often. This was because I wasn't feed much and wasn't treated well. A couple years later, mom mom immigrated my whole family here in America and start a whole new life without my dad's family. And this is how I ended up here right now.

          From this story I learned that my mom was raised in a big family and the way she raised me was similar to her own experience. My mom raised me like how her parents did, she was strict at first and would make me do chores and help her out. I am lucky that life here in America was more different because I wouldn't have want to go through the time that my mother did. Her life didn't seem so pleasant back then, and it often included lots of work. Although my mom was a strong willed person. I think that may be the reason I have to much motivation in myself and that I believed that I could do anything in which I put my whole heart in. I an guessing I got that trait from my mom, and I like it a lot.

          This story hasn't really survived in my family. My parents don't tell much stories and I don't think that they heard much stories from their parents either. Its sad to think that the family history kind of broken down and didn't get passed from generations to generations. I believe that there is a great story out there to tell, and it just never really got passed on. My only guess is that they don't want to tell the life of their sad living styles. I heard from my mom that my grandma's family was very rich. It would be very nice if I could travel back in history and know more about my background and discover the mysteries out there. I have learned about from doing this assignment and further more learning about about my mom. Next I am going to learn about my dad's family history, but I didn't really get to ask him. I really enjoyed leaning about the life of my mom from a little kid to and adult, in which turned out to be my mom.

Amy Tan v.s. Amy Chua

     In Amy Chua's "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior", she talks about the steps that the parents encounter to make their children successful. She describes how you must be able to discipline them so that they will listen to you.  In the "Twenty-Six Malignant Gates", Amy Tan describes the mother-daughter relationships that they encounter as Americans. These two readings shows lots of similarities about parenthood and the expectations that they want their daughters to follow. In The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan, in the section called, The Twenty-Six Malignant Gates, the story called Two Kinds explains how Jing Mei Woo is pushed to learn things that she doesn't want to do. These two discusses how their daughters aren't able to make their own decisions.


     In the story, Two Kinds, Jing Mei's mother wanted her to be a prodigy and made her learn many things. Her mother wanted her to learn the piano, but Jing Mei didn't want is and she knew that she would not do good. The duaghter was often made to follow the decisions that the mother choose and don't get to choose their own choice, she can only listen to her mother:

"Why don't you like me the way I am? I am not a genius! I can't play the piano. And even if I could, I wouldn't go on TV if you pay me a million dollars!" I cried. My mother slapped me. "Who asked you be genius?" she shouted. "Only asked you to be your best. For you sake. You think I want you be genius? Hnnh! What for! Who asked you!" (Tan 136)

 This shows that even though the daughter doesn't want to be like a prodigy and play the piano, her mom says that she has to even though she might not be good at it. Her mom wants her to learn the things that she could now at this point so that her future would be better. Her mother just wants her daughter to try her best and play. This will teach her a lesson that life is hard and nothing is easy. Her mother's intentions are that the skills that she learn now will come in very handy.


     In the discussions that Amy Chua makes, her observations and teaching are similar to Jing Mei's mom. Their intentions are the same, and they both want their child to be successful:

Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be "the best" students, that "academic achievement reflects successful parenting," and that if children did not excel at school then there was "a problem" and parents "were not doing their job." What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work. (Chua)

This connects to the Jing Mei's mothers experience. They don't want their child to do bad because it would be their fault if they kids does do well. They feel that they have to take responsibility and make them learn something they don't like. By doing this, it means that they gave them am chance to do something, but they didn't, which means its not their fault. These two parents does not intend to do bad for them, but want them to be well grown fine ladies.


     I think that Amy Tan's novel does endure Chua's argument about motherhood. Even though their expectations might be strict, their intentions are the same. The only thing they want to do is do good for their children. They way they teach their kids has a meaning to it and they want their child to be successful. If you connect the pieces of Amy Chua and Amy Tan, their sense of parenting is very similar.

The Twenty-Six Malignant Gates

     In the book, Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan, she includes an introductory piece in the beginning of the piece, "The Twenty-Six Malignant Gates." From my observations, I think that the purpose to her introductory it to explain the period of time where kids will start making their own decisions. The daughter was told by her mother that she was not to bike around the corner because her mother can not see her. The daughter chooses to disobey her mother and fell before she reached the corner. The purpose might be that if you don't listen to your parents, you might regret it in the end because you might end of making wrong choices. From this short introductory I think that it means that the first step to independence is hard because you will get lost later on and need someone to carry you back up.

     In the story called Rules of the Game, the mom had high expectations for her daughter in the game of chess. She would be always next to her to see her make her next move so that she will not make a mistake. The daughter was bothered by the fact that her mother was always standing by her side. It seems as if she was not able to choose her own path and always follow the orders from her mom:

"But I found it difficult to concentrate at home. My mother had a habit of standing over me while I plotted out my games. I think she thought of herself as my protective ally. Her lips would be sealed tight, and after each move I made, a soft "Hmmmmph" would escape from her nose" (Tan 98).

 From  this reading, the daughter wanted to make her own choices and she doesn't want her mom to choose the next steps that she took. Her mom is being over protective about her, and she brags about her achievements to other people which upsets her. The daughter runs away and come back home in the end. This means that even though the daughter was able to escape her mother's expectations, she came back home because she still needs someone to support her. In the end of the story it says, "I closed my eyes and pondered my next move" (Tan 101). From the ending when she was all alone, she starts to think about her own decisions without her mother being too protective of her. When she was able to make her own step towards the game, it was like making the next step to her life and choosing to balance out her mother and herself.

     In the story called The Voice from the Wall,  when the daughter and her mother was walking around chinatown, her mother said,

"Don't look at her,"said my mother...And of course I looked...."She met a bad man," said my mother. "She had a baby she didn't want." And I knew that was not true. I knew my mother made up anything to warn me, to help me avoid some unknown danger. (Tan 105).

This means that the reason parents often tell us these lies is because they want us to be safe. They don't want you to be in danger. Although you might know that they are lying to you, you will just follow what they say to you because you know that they are just being protective.

      Parents cannot dare to let go their child, and they want to make their decisions. They don't want them to go through the wrong path and make the wrong decision. This is the reason parents or mothers tell you to follow what they tell us. I have a question through this introductory. Do we really get to grow up because we keep taking orders from others? Shouldn't we make you own decisions and fall down at times and learn from it? Isn't that the meaning of life? To fall down and stand back up by ourselves....

Should Family Take Priority Over The Rights of the Individual Family Member?

True or false? "Family and honor should take priority over the rights of the individual family member." How do you think An-mei and her mother would respond? Would they think the statement is true or false? Would they be somewhere in-between?


     According to the story "Scar"  from Joy Luck Club, I think that An-Mei's response will be in between. At certain points, she would think that family ans honor is called respecting her culture. From the time that her mother came back to her, she starts to understand what happened and believe that her mother made the right choice. An-Mei was always told stories from her Popo about her mother, but her Popo never really mentions her name. As An-Mei grew up with her Popo she was lead to the belief that she should always honor the family and not follow the path that her mother followed or else she would be an disgrace to her family. 


     When An-Mei's mother came to her life again as her Popo was very sick, her mind changes and she starts to think that her mother really needed her individual rights. An-Mei starts to understand the conditions that her mother was going through. She starts to agree that at times you honoring your family can be tough. She thinks that her mother was very brave and she got her individual rights. Although she was a disgrace to her family, she came back in the end. She gave honor to her mother before she died. She did something that was painful as a way to make her mother understand why she had to leave: 

 "Even though I was young, I could see the pain of the flesh and the worth of the pain. This is how a daughter honors her mother. It is shou so deep it is in your bones. The pain of the flesh is nothing. The pain you must forget," (Tan 48).

This quote tells that An-Mei learned that her mother left for a reason and her individual rights was very important. Even though she was raised with her Popo and her auntie, she never really disgraced her family. As she remembers about the past and what happened to her, she understands her mother more. And the point where she sacrifice her flesh, it was the thing that really surprised An-Mei.

     If An-Mei's mother were to answer this question, she would say that we should have our individual life because we are the one who should choose our own decision. We should be able to break away from that command that family members have given, and choose the right road to follow. I agree very much with her mother and how she got her freedom.

     This could be answered in different forms and because we all have different opinions about this question, what would you do if you were stopped from continuing your decision in life? 

Whats the difference between families?

Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior Response:

What do parents owe to their children? What do children owe to their parents?

     "Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children. (And it's true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud.

    By contrast, I don't think most Westerners have the same view of children being permanently indebted to their parents. My husband, Jed, actually has the opposite view. "Children don't choose their parents," he once said to me. "They don't even choose to be born. It's parents who foist life on their kids, so it's the parents' responsibility to provide for them. Kids don't owe their parents anything. Their duty will be to their own kids." This strikes me as a terrible deal for the Western parent." -Amy Chua

      In the Asian (Chinese) society where parents raise their children, I don't think that owe is the right word to use. Asian parents doesn't really owe their children, it would be more of a taking responsibility. The parents would rather take responsibility for giving birth to the child. For that means that they would have to take plan for the child and make them successful. It is like Asian parents would think that it would be their fault if they were not able to make their kids successful. They will feel bad themselves and that they must have done something wrong. They usually take responsibility that the child needs to do well in school and if they don't, they put let them have a tutor to improve their intelligence. Because of what the parents have done for their parents, they would ask their children to take care of them when they have become successful. This is what my parents would tell me; they tell me that I would have to take care of them and pay them back for everything they have done. I would feel like I would be paying a debt and that feeling is not so good.

As in contrast I think that Western parent think that they owe their children most of the time. In my perspective, they gets lots of love from them and get praised for everything they do. They don't really pressure their children as much, although they do want them to be more successful. Western parents in my point of view would let their children have what ever they want. Such a electronics and allowance. From my family, the parents doesn't allow their kids to choose what they want, they only can have what their parent give them. Western children are mostly spoiled from the things they get and they don't really have to owe their parents much afterwords. This is only my perspective of them, but this might be different in many families. This is just my own opinion and I am not stating that they are bad. I really admire Western families and how the parents want the kids to be more open with the society and let them choose their own decisions.